Crap Games #14

Rigel's Revenge (1987)
By: Smart Egg Software / Mastertronic Genre: Text Adventure Players: 1 Difficulty: Medium
Featured Version: ZX Spectrum First Day Score: 16/50
Also Available For: Amstrad CPC, Commodore 64

Unlike most of the games so far in this feature, I never saw Rigel's Revenge getting slated in reviews of the day. I don't remember even seeing any coverage of it at all, in fact, and I found out many years later that it was actually very well received, so why is it here? Well, that's entirely down to me and my good friend Luke, I'm afraid. It was a cheapie budget release which we both had for our respective 8-bit micros (Speccy for me, CPC for him) and we both hated it. I'm not even sure why if I'm honest, but I recall Luke once angrily refusing to even acknowledge it as a legitimate computer game! With advancing years comes a more mature and rational mindset, however (in theory, at least), not to mention an enthusiastic appreciation of the 80s and the games released during that glorious decade, so after recently remembering this game randomly, I decided to give it another try to see if it really has sucked all these years, or if Luke and I were just idiotic youths without any taste.

Crap Games #13

Sword of Sodan (1990)
By: Innerprise / Electronic Arts Genre: Fighting Players: 1 Difficulty: Hard
Featured Version: Sega MegaDrive / Genesis First Day Score: 108,900 (including three pit deaths)
Also Available For: Amiga, Apple IIGS, Apple Mac

Is it me or does she look like Rebecca Romijn?

Back in the glorious days of Sega's mighty Mega Drive, EA weren't the soul-sucking, studio-destroying corporate leviathan that they are nowadays and they weren't yet flooding the shelves of used-game and charity shops with thousands of copies of their nearly-identical sports games. Much of what they released was pretty good, excellent even, and a forthcoming MD game of theirs was something to look forward to. Until Sword of Sodan came along. It was a conversion of an Amiga game from the year before which was well-received by magazines, so surely a version for the slightly-more-powerful Mega Drive would be more awesome than a unicycling panda? It was, however, slaughtered in reviews as though falling victim to the very weapon of its title, and it damaged EA's decent rep among MD owners as a result. Consequently, I never bothered with it. Was I wise?

Crap Games #12

Off-World Interceptor (1994)
By: Crystal Dynamics Genre: Racing / Shooting Players: 1-2 Difficulty: Medium
Featured Version: 3DO First Day Score: 195,800 (cash)
Also Available For: Saturn, PlayStation

Most of the titles that are included in the 'Crap Games' feature here at Red Parsley were so chosen due to near-unanimous scorn at the time of their release from magazines of the day, but this one is a little different. I decided to include Off-World Interceptor mainly because of the intense disappointment I felt towards it personally. It hardly received glowing reviews anyway I guess, but I was enjoying my 3DO and its remarkable 3D abilities at the time, in particular The Need For Speed which was so far ahead of any other racing game I'd played. It was still just one game though, and I wanted another racing game for my powerful new console. Unfortunately, there weren't too many options available for it but I saw screenshots of Off-World Interceptor and thought it looked pretty good at least, so figured it was worth a try. Happily I was able to find it at my local games store, and at a bargain price too, and I was eager to get started on my... umm, off-world intercepting.

Crap Games #11

Bimini Run (1990)
By: Microsmiths / Nuvision Entertainment Genre: Racing / Shooting Players: 1 Difficulty: Medium
Featured Version: Sega MegaDrive / Genesis First Day Score: 23,660
Also Available For: Nothing

Not very bright but quite a nice title screen...

There aren't too many speedboat-based games around so a good few MegaDrive owners took an interest in this one leading up to its early-90's release. Sadly, however, it didn't fare too well with reviewers of the time and has barely been mentioned by anyone since. It popped back in my head recently while watching Dexter though (he takes his boat to Bimini at one point which is apparently a district of the Bahamas), so I thought it would be an opportune time to feature it here. But did it deserve such... apathy? Well, I had a quick go a couple of years ago and I thought it was dreadful, but playing it again now, in more detail this time, it's actually not that bad. The backstory certainly makes it seem promising - we're in real Miami Vice territory here. I'm not sure if the Hawaiian shirt-clad protagonist is a cop actually, but there's plenty of chasing bad guys and secret hideaways and all that.

Crap Games #10

The Spirit of Speed 1937 (2000)
By: Broadsword Interactive / Acclaim Genre: Racing Players: 1 Difficulty: Hard
Featured Version: Sega Dreamcast
Also Available For: PC

One of my favourite genres on the Dreamcast was that of driving games. There were many superb examples with several available early on, and I bought all but one of them. The one I didn't get, and indeed had never even played until recently, was Spirit of Speed. This was mainly due to the rather harsh reception it was met by upon its release. Actually, that's putting it mildly - I don't think I've ever seen a racing game get so consistently, mercilessly savaged by magazines, websites, and players the world over! Despite this, it's still a title that has always rather intrigued me. Not too many games give you the opportunity to race in classic old 1930's speedsters like the ones found here after all. Whilst possibly somewhat restrictive, it's also a unique premise. Besides, it can't be that bad, surely?

Crap Games #9

XDR: X-Dazedly-Ray (1990)
By: UNIPACC  Genre: Shooting Players: 1 Difficulty: Easy-Medium
Featured Version: Sega MegaDrive / Genesis  First Day Score: 77,300
Also Available For: Nothing

Most of the titles I've looked at in the 'Crap Games' feature have so far been ones I remember getting slated in magazines of the day, but this latest instalment is different. I have only vague memories of XDR from back then - possibly because it was only released in Japan - but as I recall its arrival was met with neither adulation nor disdain. It was seen as pretty average in other words. Lately, however, I've been hearing much more about it, specifically from a friend named David who loves shmups so much he even renamed himself after one of his favourite series', Darius. The reason he talks about XDR so much is because he harbours a pure, unmitigated hatred towards what he considers the very worst shmup ever made in the history of the world. Prior to this review I had never played the game but I have been very curious for a while now as to whether it really is that bad.

Crap Games #8

Shadow of the Beast (1989)
By: Reflections / Psygnosis Genre: Fighting Players: 1 Difficulty: Hard
Featured Version: Commodore Amiga
Also Available For: MegaDrive, Master System, PC Engine CD, FM Towns, Lynx, Atari ST, C64, Amstrad CPC, ZX Spectrum

If you could go back in time to the end of the 80's and took a stroll to your local computer retailer (and yes, those little independent shops did used to exist), there's a very good chance the window displays would include, amongst other things, an Amiga running Shadow of the Beast. Its release was very quickly followed by all and sundry heralding its wondrous audio/visual delights and, naturally enough, many shop keepers swiftly seized upon these qualities in an attempt to sell more Amigas. Who could blame them? It certainly made an impressive sight. Before too long, however, the game developed a reputation of being all style over substance. Some even called it a glorified tech-demo. Not that anything is wrong with tech-demos of course, they've been used to sell hardware since there has been hardware, but most of those aren't then put on sale as full games at about three times the price of a normal release...

Shinobi Series - Part 6

The Cyber Shinobi (1990)
By: Sega Genre: Platform/Fighting Players: 1 Difficulty: Medium
Featured Version: Sega Master System
Also Available For: Nothing

Pretty much all the Shinobi games have been big news at the times they were released but almost certainly the least well-known and least appreciated of them all must be Cyber Shinobi. It was released only for the Master System which didn't really open it to the biggest audience, but it was intended as a direct sequel to the superb (if not entirely accurate) MS conversion of the original Shinobi which meant it could also be superb. In theory at least, but it didn't meet with a huge amount of praise from the press of its day so I've always been a bit wary of it to be honest. Now, however, I am forced by this sometimes-splendid blog to dip into these seldom-tested waters with the hope that time has been kind. The story sounds interesting enough - nothing too original or ground-breaking I'll grant you, but more of the same if fine by me if the 'same' is Shinobi!

Crap Games #7

Crackout (1991)
By: Palcom / Konami Genre: Bat 'n' Ball Players: 1 Difficulty: Medium-Hard
Featured Version: Nintendo NES First Day Score: 7,990
Also Available For: Famicom Disk System

In my last review for this series of features I spoke of the lowest magazine review score I could remember from back in the good old days but I may have spoken too soon. Recently re-entering my conscious mind from the dark realms of depravity that lurk in its basement is this game; an NES game which was rather unusually released in neither the Japanese nor American markets. Us lucky Europeans got to sample its delights though, but probably not too many gamers bothered based on the review I can now vaguely recall which savagely hacked it to pieces, then ate and pooped out the pieces, then set them on fire, then peed on the ashes. Such savagery was probably as much in jest as genuine disdain but I think it's likely that Crackout is not generally viewed as the pinnacle of its genre all the same. I'm nonetheless keen to find out just how bad it really is, especially since it's an example of a genre I'm rather keen on, no less. So... shields up, phasers on stun, energise...

Crap Games #6

Dark Castle (1991)
By: Three Sixty Pacific Inc Genre: Platform Players: 1 Difficulty: Medium-Hard
Featured Version: Sega MegaDrive / Genesis
Also Available For: Amiga, Atari ST, PC, Macintosh, CDi, Commodore 64, MSX, Apple IIGS

Poor old Dark Castle, I nearly blocked it from my memory... Along with the previously-reviewed Ace of Aces, it remains the recipient of the lowest magazine review score I ever remember seeing in the usually-generous magazines I used to read - in this case little more than twenty percent! I've been understandably wary of the game ever since but in the best spirit of Red Parsley, it's time once again to be brave and find out if it really is... that bad. The premise is at least a reasonably promising, if rather unoriginal one - predictably, it's set in the titular fortress where the evil, tyrannical Black Knight resides. The courageous Prince Duncan, however, has had enough and decides to topple the cretinous knight from his throne. This, of course, entails successfully making his way through the castle which is fraught with dangers beyond count.

Crap Games #5

China Warrior a.k.a. Drunken Master, a.k.a. The Kung Fu (1987)
By: Hudson Soft Genre: Fighting Players: 1 Difficulty: Medium
Featured Version: NEC PC Engine / TurboGrafx-16 First Day Score: 22,400
Also Available For: Nothing
Download For: Wii Virtual Console, PlayStation Network

The 'Crap Games' feature here at Red Parsley has thrown up few surprises so far. It seems increasingly likely that most games that get crap reviews and crap reputations actually are indeed crap and thoroughly deserving of the scorn that they receive, but this particular example was a craply-reviewed game that surprised me a lot at the time. The PC Engine was a new and exciting console so its games must've all been equally amazing, surely? This was certainly the case for most of the early titles which wowed many of us jealous C&VG readers here in the UK, so how could Hudson of all companies release a stinker? To find out if Drunken Master, as I knew it at the time, really is as wiffy as I've been led to believe, I've bravely decided to give it a try.

Crap Games #4

Greendog - The Beached Surfer Dude! (1992)
By: Sega Genre: Platform Players: 1 Difficulty: Easy-Medium
Featured Version: Sega MegaDrive / Genesis First Day Score: 271,000
Also Available For: Game Gear

At the peak of the game mascot craze it wasn't just sentient animals who got their chance to be heroes. This effort, starring the laid back 'surfer dude' of the title is very much an American take on the subject and it's a game I always remember as being crushingly average. Okay, so it didn't exactly get ripped to shreds by the critics of the day but I don't recall ever having heard it spoken about with much enthusiasm or affection either. It always seemed to me that it was a game that had potential but, in the end, might as well have never been made. I never played it for these reasons but it does look quite intriguing so it's time for the Crap Games series to return to the poor old put-upon MegaDrive and see what this thrill-seeking nincompoop can offer.

Crap Games #3

Ace of Aces (1990)
By: Artech Digital Entertainment / US Gold Genre: Simulation Players: 1 Difficulty: Medium
Featured Version: Sega Master System
Also Available For: Atari 7800, Atari 8-bit, PC, MSX, Commodore 64, Amstrad CPC, ZX Spectrum

The two games I've covered for this feature so far have been pretty stinky and they were both stricken with bad reviews in their day but neither received such a shockingly awful score as to fill me with the kind of unbridled fear that might be felt when surrounded by hungry zombies. This poor old Master System game did. I forget the exact magazine in question now but I do have a distinct memory of this game receiving a score of 15%. Considering that most game magazines had (and still have) a tendency to rate games on a scale of 50 - 100%, with average games receiving around 75%, a score as low as 15% was a real shock. Can any game really be that bad? Considering I actually quite enjoyed this game on my Speccy (albeit briefly), I'm very interested in finding out...

Crap Games #2

Jinmu Denshou Yaksa (1989)
By: Big Club / Wolf Team  Genre: Shooting  Players: 1  Difficulty: Hard
Featured Version: PC Engine / TurboGrafx-16  First Day Score: 3,500
Also Available For: Nothing

Any Space Harrier fans here? Good. Now, imagine playing that great game but without the benefit of the invisible jetpack. Sound good? I'd have to agree with you if you're sceptical but that's exactly what we've got here from Big Club / Wolf Team. Yaksa, as I knew the game until now, is apparently a little-known game which I remember reading a scathing review of in C&VG magazine back when Mean Machines was just a humble little section in the back of the mag, and it's another one I've often wondered about. It's comparisons to Sega's mid-80's classic are understandable. Both games place you in control of a lonesome fellow who must advance into the screen, faux-3D stylee, and take out hordes of attacking enemies. The main difference between the games is the setting.

Crap Games #1

Last Battle (1989)
By: Sega  Genre: Fighting  Players: 1   Difficulty: Hard
Featured Version: Sega MegaDrive / Genesis  First Day Score: 32,500
Also Available For: Amiga, Commodore 64
Download For: Wii Virtual Console

Whether you're an oldie like me or a young whipper-snapper, I'm sure if you're a gamer, especially one with limited resources, you regularly check out reviews of games for your system(s) of choice. If one gets great reviews you'll probably buy it, or at least want it, but if one gets bad reviews you'll probably avoid it like the plague. That was certainly the case with me when I was growing up. There's lots of average or good games that I haven't gotten around to playing yet or course, but when something gets universally slated it's a name I remember but never want to play. But could the magazines have been wrong? In this new Red Parsley feature I will bravely take a look at some of the games I thought I'd never play to see if they really are as crap as they're supposed to be.

Master System Shmups #2

TransBot a.k.a. Astro Flash (1986)
By: Sega  Genre: Shooting  Players: 1  Difficulty: Medium
Featured Version: Master System  First Day Score: 36,940
Also Available For: Nothing

Despite being pretty popular here in the UK, the Master System was never really the most popular console of all-time. The comparative lack of games could be one reason, the NES was awash with thousands of games after all, but it's still a shame as Sega's sleek-looking console was pretty innovative for its time. Among the bright ideas it housed was a 'Smart Card' system, adapted from an accessory for Sega's earlier Japan-only console, the SG-1000, which was an alternative to the high-cost ROM cartridges used for most games. The card system was effectively home to a budget range of games early in the Master System's life before being dropped, but considering the number of games released on the format barely reached double figures, it didn't really matter too much!