Top Five Helicopters

Helicopters are pretty cool, I don't think too many would dispute that. I doubt many people have actually been in one unless you're in the police or military, or perhaps if you're unlucky enough to have had an accident in a remote location or been attacked by a bear or escaped convict or something. Or maybe if you work for a tour company, or perhaps if you're a reporter in a big city. Or maybe if you're really rich and use one as your general runabout. But even if one of these scenarios is true, you've probably still only been in a boring chopper. Which examples are the least boring, I hear you ask? Well, here are five pretty stonking twirlers I thought of:

5. Sikorsky CH-53 Sea Stallion

This is the only entry on this list I hadn't heard of prior to looking into the subject, but I was immediately intrigued by its unusual appearance and large size. The latter is down to the fact that it was designed as a heavy lift helicopter, and in that capacity it is unmatched, at least in the US military. The most powerful version - the King Stallion - can lift over 16 tonnes! There are loads of versions of it but I think the mean-looking example pictured (which is actually a German one) is the best looking one. Not that that should really be a defining factor in this type of 'best' list but there you are. Unlike all the other helos on this list, the Sea Stallion hasn't been featured too heavily in movies - not surprising really since it's a cargo/troop carrier rather than an attack chopper - but it was featured in The Jackal and one of those crap Transformers movies. That's unlikely to change now, too, since it was retired just over a decade ago, but this workhouse certainly left its mark in the real world.

4. Bell UH-1 Iroquois

You might not know this one by its name, as I didn't, but I bet you've seen it on screen many times. For yes, that's right, it's the UH-1 Iroquois, perhaps more commonly known by its nickname of 'Huey', and it was the main chopper used by the US Army throughout the Vietnam War. This, appropriately enough, means it was also featured in most related movies and TV shows. I guess I must've seen it for the first time in Tour of Duty which I watched when I was young for some reason (not that it wasn't good), but wherever you saw it, the sight of one of more of these dark green machines flying over tropical jungles with big guns poking out of its side doors was a very familiar one. In real life, some 7,000 of these were sent over to the Far East with well over 3,000 of them never coming back. They are still going strong, though. I suppose there's nothing too remarkable about it for helicopter standards but it makes the list simply because of how iconic is has become over the years.

3. Boeing CH-47 Chinook

I don't know about you, but where (and when) I grew up, I used to see and hear these things passing overhead pretty often. In more recent years, sightings dwindled, as they did for all non-commercial aircraft (I used to see jet fighters zooming overhead quite often too, but haven't seen any of those for decades). That was, until I moved to the house I've lived in for four years now. It's very close to some river-like stretches of water and on the other side of this there is a place that must be a test/maintenance type place for Chinooks, for I see them every few days now, on average. I mean, seeing helicopters taking off or landing while you walk the wife's ridiculous dog is pretty cool anyway but I've always found these bulky contraptions intriguing. As a kid I always used to think it was only a matter of time until the two rotors collided, but more recently I think I just have a general appreciation for them, and I love the distinctive sound it makes thanks to its twin turboshaft engines and dual-rotor configuration. Some might find them mundane but I think they're cool.

2. Mil Mi-24 Hind

I think I can safely say that many people around my age or older know this sizeable chopper from Rambo III where several of them harass Rambo, Trautman and the brave villagers helping them. They are depicted as large, lumbering, not especially manoeuvrable, but intimidating and armed to the teeth with guns and rockets and stuff. Its various scenes were exciting and, even though they were all downed by the titular hero, our memories of them as badass bringers of fiery destruction has endured. It's ironic, then, that it later transpired that no Hinds were actually used in the production of the film! Indeed, due no doubt to the somewhat frosty relations between the US and USSR at the time, the producers opted to rig up some European SA 330 Pumas to look like Hinds. Well shiver me timbers, all this time thinking they were real Russian monsters! Having now spent some time looking into the real ones, however, I can confirm that these 'flying tanks', as they are informally known, are just as formidable in the real world. They're still in service, too.

1. Boeing AH-64 Apache

Sorry, a boring, predictable winner, I'm sure. I can't remember where I first saw this iconic helo. Maybe it was a film, or maybe it was news reports about the first Gulf War. It was certainly the latter that would inspire what the Apache became best known for to me and I'm sure many others, in any case - the mighty Desert Strike, surely one of the best games of its era! Thanks to that fantastic game from those glorious days when EA were still innovative, we all know exactly what armaments the Apache carries - 1178 rounds for its chain gun, 38 hydra rockets, and of course, those 8 Hellfire guided missiles. Desert Strike or not, though, the Apache has always been a seriously cool, not to mention effective attack chopper. It's just as powerful as the fearsome Hind but much more manoeuvrable than its Soviet/Russian rival, especially at low speeds or while hovering, facilitating its speciality - using terrain/structures as cover while it goes about its blowy-uppy business. I guess none of this really matters too much to most people though. What matters is that the Apache has a cool name, looks cool, and kicks ass, and it's hard to argue.
 
Special note: Yes, Airwolf and Blue Thunder are both super cool, but they're also not real, and were actually just normal, boring choppers with junk bolted to them to make them look special. Still, I'd happily watch a montage of the five entries on this list in action to the Airwolf theme!