TV Shows #35

Flipping Bangers (2017-22)
Developed By: Just Might TV
Starring: Gus Gregory, Will Trickett

Certificate: PG Running Time: 43-50 Minutes per Episode (approx)

I'm not sure why but sometimes when I'm not feeling great, I end up watching something totally different to the kind of thing I would normally watch. As you might have guessed, just such an occasion befell me recently. I hadn't been feeling too good all day but I went downstairs at my normal time to pour a nice drink (usually bourbon and cola) and continue whichever streaming show I was in the middle of at the time. When I got there, however, I just... didn't feel like it. I toyed with the idea of just going to bed when I noticed a show being spammed on my Firestick's menu, so... I just clicked it. As it happened, it turned out to be a reality show - a genre I typically avoid like the plague - but it was one featuring cars which are of interest to me, so I gave it a try. And wouldn't you know it, it turned out to be pretty corking! I even continued watching it after I felt better again, and there were three seasons of it for me to get through. Naturally, when I finished, I figured I might as well burble on about it here!

How Much? Turning Racing Games Into Reality

Well, kind of. Racing games have pretty much always been among the most popular of all games, and examples over the years have featured vehicles of all sorts of different shapes and types. Many of the most iconic of these are of course mental track cars like the F1 and LMP types (Continental Circus, WEC Le Mans, Winning Run, etc) which few of us will even have the chance to get run over by never mind drive for ourselves. Many others are not even real (Road Blasters, Daytona USA, Ridge Racer, Burnout, etc) so it doesn't matter how much we might want them.

Some, though, are real, so if you really wanted to, the potential is there to live out your fantasies and recreate your favourite game in real life! In a more realistic and responsible manner, naturally, but still, it's not beyond reason that some of us could be able to drive or even own one of our favourite cars from our favourite game of yesteryear. I decided, therefore, to see just how realistic this might be by looking at a handful of examples along with the price potential buyers might expect to pay.

Ferrari F40
As seen in... Turbo OutRun & Crazy Cars III (amongst others)

A jaw-dropping revelation when it first appeared and still widely regarded as one of the best supercars ever made, Ferrari's celebration of itself (it was designed to celebrate their 40th anniversary) was immediately iconic. It was therefore not an enormous surprise to see it represented in the world of gaming soon after its real unveiling. The first game I remember seeing it in was Sega's splendid Turbo OutRun but it was also featured prominently in Titus's home computer release, Crazy Cars 2, although in this case most gamers quickly realised its inclusion was the only good thing about the frankly rather awful game.

Top Five Cars I Remember From My Top Trumps

They might not be videogames but I bet I'm far from the only one who spent a lot of time playing Top Trumps during my formative years. Perhaps their appeal came from their simplicity, with players simply comparing stats on cards featuring all manner of different themes. I had a good few packs, most of which featured motor vehicles of some sort - I had a Formula 1 pack, a rally pack; even trucks and superbikes. One pack was my definite favourite though, although I can't actually remember the name of it now. Sports cars, maybe?

Hmm, anyway, whatever it was called it featured some cracking cars through the deck - mostly sports and supercars from the late 70's up to about the mid 80's, and there were also some crazy customised 'normal' cars included - I particularly recall some insane VW Golfs - but there were a certain few cars that have become iconic for me, simply because of the game and how often I used to play it, usually with my good friend Luke who I suspect will also remember it well. Out of all the wonders included, these are the five that have stuck in my mind most firmly:

5 - Lamborghini Countach

This sleek black speedster looked more like a spaceship from some far-fetched sci-fi film back in the 80's and it moved about as quickly as one too! It was just as notable for us Top Trump players - whomever had this card held a big advantage for the rest of the game thanks to its amazing stats. As I recall, it was the fastest car in the whole deck at a mind-blowing 188mph. I don't think it was quite that fast in reality but it's still a highly memorable car for all kinds of reasons...

TV Shows #14

The Grand Tour Season One (2016)
Developed By: Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond, James May, Andy Wilman Starring: Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond, James May, Mike Skinner

Certificate: 12 Running Time: 44-71 Minutes per Episode, 13 Episodes

I can't imagine there are too many TV shows that have been as divisive as Top Gear. To many, the show was infantile nonsense at best, and hosted by three ageing cretins who should know better. Controversy has never been far away from the immature antics of James May, Richard Hammond, and particularly Jeremy Clarkson, with some even throwing labels such as 'racist', 'homophobic', and 'sexist' in their direction. Conversely, however, the show also had a great many fans who adored the troublesome trio responsible for it, and I was one of them. I almost feel like I should apologise for that, what with the misdemeanours (alleged) of its stars. I don't actually like them that much outside the confines of the Top Gear format, and I don't even like some of the things they say/do on the show either, but I can't pretend I don't find them amusing much of the time.

Mental Cars Round-Up #1

Everyone loves mental cars. Even if you never get to own one (most of us); even if you never get to drive one (some of us); they're still great to look at pictures of or watch on TV shows like Top Gear. In recent years we've been treated to some of the most insane examples yet. For this first post on the subject, I thought I'd take a look at some of the best to come from the USA. It is the land of excess after all!

Saleen S7

Although they aren't that well known this side of the Atlantic, I had of course still heard of Saleen, mainly because of their awesome Mustangs and other reworked versions of other company's cars. The S7, however - the first all original car Saleen made - only recently came to my attention and the first thing that struck me about it was its amazing looks. Just look at it - it almost looks like one of those sports-prototype racers! It has the performance to match the looks too - the twin-turbo version has a 7.0L V8 producing 750 HP that sends it all the way to 248mph! Check out the highly-limited cherry red version of it too, it looks even better.

Top Five Lottery Cars

Most of us dream of winning the lottery some day. The first thing many would do in my experience is leave their place of work (politely and considerately, giving ample notice I'm sure). Next up would probably be a luxury holiday which would most likely incorporate or be followed by a spending spree, and part of this would probably include a nice new car. I'm sure I'm not alone in giving some thought to the latter point in particular and, whilst there are literally hundreds of tempting options from all around the world, I think the five I would buy for myself would be these:

5 - BMW M3

I actually almost have one of these already (my current car is a BMW 320 M Sport) and it's also the only car on this list I've driven before (I did some powersliding in one at a track event), but it would still be one of my first post-winnings purchases. It would probably be my 'practical, everyday use' car - it has four doors, ample storage space, and isn't too low or wide to drive around town, but it still comes loaded with over 400 horse-power with which to see off any unruly challengers too.

Top Five Iconic Race Cars

Some people go absolutely crazy over motorsport, spending hundreds of pounds (or whatever currency they use) to travel around their country, even the world, following their favourite cars or drivers. I'm only what you'd call a casual fan myself, but even if you have no interest in the sport whatsoever, there are certain cars that stick in your mind. It may be through their glory on the track that they become well known to you, it may simply be for a distinctive colour-scheme. The reason isn't enormously important I suppose, but as far as I'm concerned, these are the five racing cars that I consider to be the most iconic:

5 - Ford GT40 (1964 - 1969)

This one is from before my time so it says a lot that it's such a familiar sight to me. It was designed by Ford for the express purpose of ending Ferrari's dominance at the Le Mans 24 Hour race. This determination supposedly stemmed from Ford's attempt to buy Ferrari in the early 60's; an attempt which Enzo Ferrari ended at the last minute, wasting millions of Ford's dollars. Whatever the reason, it was a mightily impressive car! The GT40, so called as the roof lies a mere 40 inches from the ground, was certainly very distinctive in appearance, especially with the colour scheme below. It went through several iterations during its lifetime. Being American, all of them did of course come with a monstrous V8 engine, and all of them were successful too. By the time it was retired in '69 it had won the Le Mans race four years in a row...

Top Five Easy Supercar Tips

After recently taking a look at what must surely be the Top Five Supercars good money can buy, I thought it might be a good idea to showcase some of the easiest ways to increase the power of these ground-shaking brutes further still. As scarily powerful as they already are, there are actually many ways of boosting their performance without even having to touch the engine. Indeed, a majority of these cars only need to have their engines exposed for the occasional oil check! Some quick ways to add power include the age-old alloy wheels or lowered suspension, both of which can add a good few horses by themselves, but some more recent innovations include changing your bonnet (or 'hood') for a black one, or even just painting your existing one black.

Inspiration can be sought elsewhere too. Take The Fast and the Furious for example. This great film taught us that simply strapping neon lights to the bottom of your car can increase power dramatically too, but don't be coy and hide the lights from view like they did, leaving behind only a mysterious glow on the road surface. It's better to go all-out and have fully-exposed neons on every available part of your car. These modifications are trivial though, compared to some. If you're lucky enough to have a Saxo, Corsa, or one of the rest, try some of these power-boosting strategies. If you're really brave you could even mix and match by applying two, even three different techniques together - the eagle-eyed among you might even spot a few daring drivers below who've tried that for themselves!

5 - Lexus Style Rear Lights

These transparent/chrome style rear lights may have been created by Lexus and used on most of their cars but why should they get all the benefits? In fact, if fitted to a non-Lexus, particularly a supercar they can have even more benefits. Not only do they instantly transform an old, drab-looking car into a thing of beauty, but they can also offer a significant power boost too. Below is a before and after shot of a supercar. Cover the left side of the picture, then cover the right side. Does it not look 1000% more amazing from the latter view?

Power Increase: 50bhp per 1000cc

Top Five Supercars

Yes, Ferrari's, Lamborghini's, Porsche's, and God-forbid, Bugatti's are all well and good, but just how practical are they for everyday use? Actually, before even getting that far, who can afford them? Fear not, however. If my experiences in the south of England are anything to go by, there are some cheaper and more realistic alternatives to be found which can rival the power and excitement of the more exotic supercars, but at a fraction of the price. Judging from what I've seen on city streets, these are the best five:

5 - Citroen AX
Available with up to a 1.4L engine, this classic old Citroen has been replaced by the Saxo for quite a while now of course, but it still has enough charm and quality to warrant a purchase, and with some models producing as much as 95bhp, who could argue?

Top Five Ugliest Cars

5 -Tata Nano
Created by Indian company, Tata, the Nano is currently the cheapest car in the world to buy brand new. As you might imagine, it's specs reflect that, with a 624cc engine which generates a mere 35bhp, and it only has the absolute minimum of interior features. The boot doesn't even open - it has to be accessed from inside the car! All this is understandable for its price though, but did they really have to make it look so hideous?

4 - Fiat Multipla
Good old Fiat. They're never ones to make conventional-looking vehicles, are they? I guess they're relying on the old "Oh, it's Italian, it must be artistic!" cliche. Well sorry Fiat, but this offering is a monstrosity! What's with the bit under the windscreen? Granted, the second-generation model looks a lot nicer and does away with this weird bit but still! This version regularly appears on 'ugly car' polls and with good reason - the Multipla is a MultiFAIL!

3 - Ford Ka
I was a bit surprised when I first saw this stupid thing from Ford. Their cars are usually decent enough, if unspectacular, but this pretentiously-named 'Ka' (definitely NOT pronounced the same as 'Car' by me) looks like a wedge of cheese balanced on marbles! The 'Sport' Ka and 'Street' Ka (both all of 93bhp) look even more annoying. Like the Fiat, however, the new version of the Ka is a vast improvement.

2 - Citroen 2CV
This post-WW2 designed car was a monument to minimalism, and very typically French. It's practicality is to be begrudgingly respected but as a modern car it's just ridiculous! The headlights stick out on little stalks, the roof is a bit of cloth that you can push back, the wheels are about 2 inches wide, the windows don't open but instead fold in half... It's just such a horrible little car. It was orginially designed as an "umbrella on wheels" to take French farmers to market and back. You know what? They should've kept it to themselves!

1. Smart
Well, after many, many years as my most hated car, if the Citroen 2CV was ever to be toppled from its lofty perch, it would take something very special. So step forward... Mercedes? How can the designers of some of the automobile world's finest vehicles be responsible for this... I can't even find the words to describe it! This... affront to all that exists! But yes, sadly it's true. Mercedes, in collaboration with Swatch (they of weird wristwatches) unveiled this in 1998 and the world has been a worse place since. If aliens made first contact with Humans, out of all the things in the world, out of all the things we've been responsible for, this pathetic thing is what I'd be most embarrassed by. Plus, if you crash in one at speed, you're screwed!